Tales of Teufort
by MissMarvelous13
Summary: A series of oneshots about the life of the RED team during their downtime.


**Hello, I will still be working on my other story, however, I did have a few oneshots I wanted to get out of my system before working on my other one. Have fun, guys!**

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**Chapter 1 Night of the Living Idiots**

"Scout, I am giving you two minutes to shut up and pick out a movie before I leave you here." Sniper threatened. He looked mighty imposing from the way he leaned against the pale wall of the video store. He had his hat pulled down over his eyes, and his arms crossed. He had been standing like that for a good twenty minutes, listening to the younger man drone on and on about the two most popular movies that were coming out that summer. Sniper had better things to do than suffer through babysitting Scout. Like wondering how Spy had tricked him into taking Scout out into town, for one.

"Jeeze, chill out." Scout glared. "It's a hard choice. I know you wouldn't understand because you're always cooped up in your camper. Do you even know what a TV is? I didn't think so…"

"Yes, I know what a TV is." Sniper answered curtly. Before Scout knew it, Sniper had snatched up one of the movies and slammed it on the counter, along with $5.47.

"Hey!" Scout cried out in protest.

"Night of the Living Dead, huh?" The video store clerk asked conversely.

"Yeah, sure." Sniper rolled his eyes.

"Have fun." The clerk responded with a monotonous tone.

"I cannot believe you did dat!" Scout grumbled as the duo left the store.

"I was not wasting another thirty minutes of my life stuck in that cramped jail of awful films." Sniper declared. "Let's go."

"Fine. Whatever…" Scout crossed his arms after sitting in the passenger seat of the van.

"Hold this." Sniper threw the movie at Scout. Scout caught it instinctively and started reading the back of the box.

It wasn't long before the van had encroached upon a giant red building. From where Sniper was, he could see Demo drinking on the roof, looking up at the stars and muttering to himself. There was also a nice bruise forming on his cheek. The bloke had probably gotten himself into another fight with Soldier.

"Yo, lookie what I got!" Scout ran into the building yelling at the top of his lungs to gather everyone.

"What is dat?" Heavy squinted his eyes at the puny box.

"A movie. We're all gonna watch it, right now. Where's Medic and Spy?" Scout looked around.

"Medic's still in the infirmary, Spy is God knows where." Engineer called from over his newspaper. He had his feet proper up on the dining table.

"YO MEDIC!" Scout bellowed. "MEDIC, MMMEEEEDDDIICCC!"

"Vhat do you vant, Scout?" Medic sneered as he came through the door, a fixed glare of annoyance set on his face.

"We're watching a-what were you doing?" Scout's train of thought derailed as he saw the German's hands covered in blood.

"Uh, nozhing of importance." Medic waved. "Vhat are ve vatching now?"

"Night of the Living Dead!" Scout jumped on the table to show.

"Boy, what did I tell ya about jumping on the furniture?" Engineer demanded, taking his feet off.

"Whatever, dad." Scout rolled his eyes. "Let's pop this bad boy in the VCR and just-"

"Not so fast," Medic pulled the video out of his hands. "Vhat vas zhe last horror movie you've seen?"

"Uh, well…" Scout rubbed the back of his head. His hat and headphones were missing.

"You haven't seen a horror movie before?" Soldier perked up.

"Oh, what a wee lass you are, boyo!" Demo joined in. Heavy's bass of a laugh vibrated throughout the room.

"Shut up! I kill people for a living, and I've died I don't know how many times. I can handle it!" Scout yelled.

"Hm, I don't know…" Medic rubbed his chin. "It's an unrated movie and vell, I'm not sure a boy of your age is fit for seeing zhis."

"Thanks, ma." Scout grabbed the movie and pushed it into the VCR. "I'll show you guys."

"Right," Medic gave Heavy a smirk. Heavy nodded knowingly.

Medic, Heavy, and Engineer sat on the couch to the left of the TV. Pyro and Scout sat on the floor in front of the TV. Sniper sat in the armchair behind the two. Demo and Solly had pulled up the wooden chairs from the dining room and placed them on either side of Sniper. The black and white pictures on the TV began and Soldier reached back to turn the lights of the rec room off. Soon, after the ninety minutes of horror had passed, the men had stretched and yawned.

"Vell, zhat vasn't so bad." Medic offered into the silence after the credits passed.

"Da. Very funny." Heavy nodded. Pyro elicited a laugh in merriment, clapping his hands together, causing Scout to jump a bit.

"You okay, son?" Engineer asked, a sly smirk beginning to play on his lips.

"I'm fine. Who wouldn't be?" Scout jumped up. He turned to face the team from the doorway. "That was a fun movie! …Can we turn the lights back on now?"

"Sure thing, Private Scaredy-Cat." Soldier teased and flipped the switch.

"You gonna make it through the night, Scout?" Demo taunted.

"I'm fine, guys!" Scout's face was beginning to turn red.

"What have I missed?" Spy asked from behind Scout. Scout released a girlish scream that could outdo the ones form the female leads of the movie. He jumped back, hidin behind Sniper's chair.

"Not scared, ya say?" Sniper jutted.

"Do I dare ask what you morons have been watching?" Spy removed the cigarette from his mouth.

"Night of the Living Dead." Engineer called.

"Oh," Spy's face turned to one of shock. "Well, that iz concerning."

"Why?" Scout's heart skipped a beat.

"Oh, nothing, nothing. I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure everything will work out." Spy laughed nervously.

"Spy…" Scout begged.

"Well, I was just reading an article about that exact movie and it has been said that those who watched it were…" Spy trailed off uncomfortably.

"Were what?" Scout squeeked.

"They were found eating each other in an act of cannibalism, inspired by the movie." Spy shifted his weight, his face giving off an air of sincere fear.

"No, way." Scout shook his head violently. "I am not getting eaten tonight."

Spy watched as Scout got a rise out of the team, with panic rising among the grown men.

"Medic, can that really happen?" Scout asked. All eyes fell on the man of medicine.

"Vell, in theory, I suppose vitnessing acts of violence could make the vitness more prone to acts of violence himself. You vould see this as PTSD in victims of tragedy…" Medic thought. There was a moment of silence as everyone took in this new information.

"I'm gonna eat you first!" Scout lunged at Pyro. Pyro cried out and kicked the man.

"You're next!" Soldier yelled and tackled Demo. Soon all the men, save Spy, were biting each other and attempting to kill each other. Spy smirked happily and continued on his merry way.

"Idiots."


End file.
